2 a.m. Moments: Confessions of a Jerk

I took a walk today, a walk down the memory lane. It is funny how taking that walk inspired me to write this. I walked down the route which I used to take while going back home after school. Every step I took on that route had a memory attached to it. Over these 3 years since I graduated from school, the only thing that hasn’t changed a bit is that route which takes you through the park and then through a residential block and finally a market and then my home. There was something really welcoming about it, like meeting an old friend who has been through your happy and sad times. It called out to me, “Welcome back, it’s been such a long time.”

Walking through those lanes and by-lanes bought back a lot of memories. As I walked through I came across the spot where I asked out my girlfriend, the spot where I held her hand for the first time, the spot where I caught her cheating on me and the spot where she dumped me. Not only this, but this route has never judged me no matter if I was successful in my endeavours or was a failure. It reminds me of all the wrong decisions I made and prevents me from repeating such things. Walking down these lanes also made me realise that one thing has not changed about me too. I was a jerk then and I am still a jerk.

I’m a jerk because when you asked me what my biggest regret in life was, I said I had no regrets. I’m a jerk because I lied to you. I’m a jerk because I was not myself in front of you. I do have regrets in my life. I regret not being able to hold on to all the bands I tried to set up, I regret not being able to push through any of my ventures. I regret leaving most of the things incomplete. I regret not being able to convince the people who matter the most. If I knew that taking this walk would make me realise all these things, I would have done it long back. But I guess there’s a right time for all these things and today was the right time for me

I don’t even know why I’m writing this because I know I won’t have the guts to share it with you.  I know you’ll probably never be able to read this, but at the same time I have this hope that there will be a miracle and this will reach you.


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